Christmas Is Coming, Whether Your Nervous System Is Ready or Not
To my neuro-warrior parents,
The holidays are almost here, and everywhere you look, you’re being told what this season is supposed to look like.
Joy.
Happiness.
Gratitude.
Love.
Togetherness.
Rest.
Let me be the first to say this clearly and compassionately:
For many neurodivergent children (and their parents), the holidays often bring the exact opposite.
And that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
When “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” Feels Like Too Much
For neurodivergent kids, the holiday season can feel like a perfect storm of nervous system overload. It doesn’t usually start with the big events… it starts weeks earlier.
Weather changes and shorter days
Disrupted routines at school
Group projects and busy end-of-semester demands
Dress-up days and themed weeks
New foods everywhere and way too many sweets
The constant anticipation of gifts and surprises
Louder environments, brighter lights, stronger smells
Parents who are stretched thin, stressed, and exhausted
All of this stacks up, quietly at first, until the nervous system simply says, “I can’t anymore.”
What often shows up next isn’t misbehavior. It’s dysregulation!
Meltdowns.
Shut downs.
Irritability.
Rigid thinking.
Tears over things that “shouldn’t matter.”
These are not character flaws. They are signals from the nervous sytem.
A Neuro-Affirming Reset: New Holiday Expectations
This season, I want to invite you to let go of society’s expectations, and create new ones that actually support your child’s nervous system.
Here are some realistic, attainable shifts that truly make a difference:
Build in Quiet Times
Not just once but daily.
A quiet morning before festivities
A calm reset after school
A decompression window after family gatherings
Quiet isn’t a luxury. It’s regulation.
It’s Okay to Take a Break From Family
Yes even during the holidays.
Shorter visits
Leaving early
Skipping events altogether
Protecting your child’s nervous system is not rude.
It’s responsible.
Comfortable Clothing Only
Let your child wear what feels safe.
Pajamas to Grandma’s? That’s okay.
Same hoodie every day? That’s regulation.
Refusing “holiday outfits”? That’s communication.
Comfort over compliance.
Plan for Sensory Breaks
These are non-negotiable nervous system supports.
Headphones
Swing time
Deep pressure
Time alone in a room or favorite space
Breaks are not rewards. They’re regulation tools!
Comfort Foods Without Pressure
Provide familiar, safe foods without expectations.
No forcing bites
No “just try it”
No negotiating at the table
Food is nourishment, not a moral test.
Extra Support & Extra Reminders
Expect that executive functioning will be taxed.
Visual schedules
Gentle reminders
Fewer steps at once
Clear expectations
Support doesn’t create dependence. It builds safety.
Permission for Messy Spaces
Your child’s room or play area may look chaotic.
That mess might be organizing their nervous system
That clutter may feel grounding
Order for you is not always peace for them.
Lower-Demand Parenting
This is one of the most powerful holiday shifts.
Fewer expectations
More flexibility
Less correcting
More connection
Lower demands = fewer meltdowns.
Redefining “A Good Holiday”
This season, I invite you to redefine success.
Not by:
How many events you attend
How happy it looks on social media
How “well-behaved” your child appears
But by:
How safe your child feels
How supported their nervous system is
How much repair and connection exists
How much peace your family experiences
Your family gets to define joy, comfort, and togetherness on your terms.
And sometimes the most loving holiday gift you can give your neurodivergent child is this:
“You don’t have to perform Christmas. You get to experience it in the way your nervous system needs.”
You are not behind.
You are not failing.
You are parenting with awareness and compassion.
And that makes you a true Neuro-Warrior.
With warmth and support,
Melissa and the Guiding Arrows Counseling Team
